The Trap of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is, in my opinion, a trojan horse of morality and politics in a land not theirs: psychotherapy. It is also a gross neurotic defense against hatred and guilt that many people, and many therapists, do not support. Therefore, the insistence of so many people mix the two things-forgiveness and psychotherapy, and lies just bring more people neurotic defenses, and therefore cruel and unnecessary prolongation of their pain. I will try to clarify.

The purpose of psychotherapy, at least the psychodynamic model, is not the subject for results "happy" to taste moral / social. Nor hush their legitimate feelings of hatred, anger and other attitudes supposedly "negative". The aim of psychotherapy is to help the person to accept all without remorse, frees us from many internal conflicts. Therefore, the effects of good psychotherapy can be very different according to each individual. For example, we must forgive. There are those who will never forgive permission not. The need to be reconciled with their partners or families. The definitely have to be divorced or away from those. Etc.

The widespread stereotype that "healing is to forgive" is thus dangerously ambiguous. Of course, ideally, overall health generated total forgiveness! But there are two problems. First, assume the opposite, namely that "forgiveness produces health", is completely illusory. And second, that, realistically, who has a "total health"? I, for one, I have never met anyone. Then, if the resentment never really goes away, why propose its extinction as a therapeutic target? Not to mention the fact that there are crimes of such magnitude, parental brutality, incest continued extreme indifference, neglect, etc .- whose "forgiveness" is inhumane to pretend (1). Therefore, if forgiveness comes spontaneously with time, perfect. If you miss, also perfect. Insist that psychotherapy is not a religion or a moral way, but a psychophysical hygiene technique.

What, then, with therapies specifically seeking forgiveness? It happens that many patients, the suggestion / pressure therapy, actually come to believe that they have forgiven the negative characters of his life, when all they really have done is take a makeup of forgiveness, more profoundly suppress their hostility and therefore, more difficult access to the psychodynamics of their symptoms secret ... there are naturally more "mysterious" than ever. "Why do I still feel bad, if you forgave? In still something wrong," is typical of these deluded doubt, they have simply replaced by blaming others blame themselves. They can suffer / lose vain several years of his life, until they find a therapist can address - again! - Basic wounds and help to clean up all the trash-definitely including false forgiveness, that other "therapies" wanted to impose .

As I never tire of repeating, love is not mandatory. Forgiveness is not mandatory. The Fourth Commandment is a trap. The "happy ending" moral / social is not psychotherapy. Psychotherapy should not be mixed with alien philosophies. And finally, no one is entitled to recommend a pardon to anyone, especially when you can not stand for fear of hostile feelings or guilt of others, mainly because it has not even made the hatred and rage against his own family. __

1. If a woman savagely beaten by her husband asked to "forgive", but denounce and divorce, can anyone presenting a reasonable argument, fair and humane treatment for which parents should be different pathogens?