Breaking the tie that binds

Following the financial crisis, many people are leaving their jobs, some of whom volunteer for severance packages and others are not. After years of work, leaving the organization has multiple impacts, and a significant shock to the person's identity.

Companies spend untold amounts of effort in trying to connect our identity with them. These efforts take many forms: new staff guidelines, processes of involvement, participation of employees, annual questionnaires, team building, holiday parties, performance bonus, stock options, to name a few. All these are intended to help employees feel a sense of belonging to the organization, and then to produce the organization's business plan.

After we were a bit ', come to feel a part. We start to adapt to the routine of our working group, huddling around the coffee machine to share the latest gossip. We learn the rules of the road, informal and formal, whom to trust and who not. We have a sense of where you fit in the hierarchy, as it has been our work, what our chances of promotion could be.

We bring that sense of our work and how we adapt outdoors. Vai at a party, and what are the first things that someone asks you ... what to do and where you work? We set up a lifestyle based on our income, our sense of what you can live in the neighborhood, what kind of car you can drive.

This is all part of our personal identity. It all works well until something major changes ... how to leave the organization.

What is this thing called identity? My definition is that it is the signature of our personality. And 'attributes that are with us in a long time which make us recognizable to ourselves and others. So, how is it a problem if significant changes occur?

Listen to some peers who have recently lost their job or changed:

"Suddenly I felt like I had the plague. People I used to drink coffee every morning at work suddenly do not take my calls and did not respond to my e-mail. One day belonged to me, the next I didn ' t "

"The loan officer I have talked about refinancing my house since my question, and when he came to the section on current income, I could see it collapse. All my life I've paid my bills on time, I have nothing but my house payment, but after a lifetime of being responsible, this guy thinks I'm worthless. "

"I left with a big severance package. I was happy to go! But now that I've been out a couple of months, I have to admit I am a bit 'bored. I miss the routine and structure that work gave me the first . now tend to sleep too late, and some days I just can not play golf anymore. I gave a little 'of what they gave me a sense of meaning in my life. "

"I worked there for twenty-six years, and I'm not so sure that I have and what work I did. The boundaries are blurred, and I never thought about the difference before."

"I can not wait! I have no idea what will happen, and I have not the slightest bit 'worried. I'm just curious what I appear to be, after some months of not being forced to comply. I feel like I just came out by a body cast. "

These people demonstrate some of the qualities in the process of self that we become accustomed to not notice them. Come through the give and take between us and our environment. When relationships change, the other is not there to provide them a part of the equation.

If you are leaving a job, our sense of identity with our work is the first tie that binds us to the past and keeps us from moving on in full our future.

Knowing where the identity comes from and how it is formed to provide instructions on how to help when we adapt in times of significant change.

Where does identity come from? Psychologists say that the identity of a person is trained in early childhood, perhaps in the early months of life. A child is born with certain preferences that relate to its meaning of physical, comfort, safety, relationships, pain and pleasure, etc. As the child interacts with his caregivers first, shape patterns of expectation and response that gives the property to its emerging self-concept.

As adults, these same models continue to serve us. Of course, we have matured and grown in our independence. But we still need stable relationships, safety, social interaction, challenge, entertainment, etc. Our self assessments - what kind of work I do, how much money can I do, what role can I play in my team, what kind of authority I have, where can I put in the status of the organization - all these things come from our commitment to our world of work and follow the same general pattern that has been engraved in our psyche when we were young.

These models are strong and durable, excavated to give a stable sense of self as we go through life. They are what gives us the continuity over time, consistent set of wants, needs, ways to respond that we are so used to rarely think about it. We just take as fact.

When we hit those potholes in life when the model and its quid pro quo work stoppage (whether by choice or not), is an alarm clock. It can be a time of confusion and emotion, a time when we'd just like to nostalgically remember the dilemmas and return to the way things were. Or, it can be a time of experimentation and adventure, a time to re-enter the dreams of our youth, or the time to find interests never previously considered. In both cases, our identity is for the renewal!

As you update your own identity? If it is something that has developed so early in life and was designed to be stable over time, how do you change it? Fortunately, nature has given us the keys to change at the same time put our original identity.

What made models of our identity, in the first place was the moment to moment interaction with our health professionals on what we wanted and needed from them. The give and take of this interaction has shaped the pattern of our identity.

So, to update their identity, work the process in reverse. In particular, what are the needs of small size, needs and expectations that you and your workplace traded? Identify those, then they call you back!

Here are some examples:

* A working group to which I belong
* A clear set of expectations of what I do in my work
* A true reflection of my performance
* An opportunity to learn new skills
* A fair remuneration for the work they perform
* The ability to have social time with my peers

In making this list, to be exhaustive. Your identity has been formed by very small estimates of yourself and your experience, and most of these interactions in minutes instead of previous work that can be articulated, the greater the ease with which you can adapt now. Go for at least 100 ways in which your identity is formed and satisfied with your work.

So, think about what you really want to do. Where is your passion for investing your effort and your energy. We had such dreams when we were young, we can accomplish those things in life ... The star basketball player who hoped to be the author of bestselling novels of science fiction, the astronaut, the musician, surf bum.

Years ago we put those dreams in front of our families and friends. And we have received feedback, not all of it positive. Maybe that feedback and the desire for convenience has convinced us to put those dreams in the closet, in order to find a profession that would pay well enough to have a family, buy a house, a car, etc.

But now it's time to pull those dreams forgotten out of the closet, dust them and roll them around in your imagination. What you really want to do now?

This is a significant question. What you really want to do now? And is that about which you have the opportunity to re-consolidate your identity. Look back at the list of 100 or so ways in which your former workplace supports your identity. Which of them still fit at this point in your life? No longer needed and can be released? Which of them will support the dream of what you really want to do now? In how many ways you can connect them together?

The clearest vision of what a person s / he wants and the greater its ties with these small aspects of themselves, stronger and more powerful than an individual's identity. And the more likely s / he is to be the conductor of his / her life. The more s / he will draw on the resources and opportunities to fulfill that dream.

These interruptions that occur between us and our world - such as interruptions to leave their long-term job, they are great events of life. Whether or not we have chosen them, ask for the investment of energy to rebuild. Of course, the good news is that, as you meet more of these life events and use the tools of essays engage, nature returns the favor in the form of higher levels of end of life and satisfaction....